I can't believe I'm putting this on the internet.

I need to figure something out. I kind of went crazy at work today. I was so tense I felt like my skin was going to burn off and everything sounded five times louder. I couldn't handle the sound of people talking, or shuffling papers, or dialing the phone. I ended up taking my sweater off in the bathroom to calm down, thinking I might be about to cry, or scream. I thought I might go home, but after an hour or so it passed. What's wrong with me?!

Mentalness aside, I really need to speak to my boss and work something out. I might have less time to go crazy in if I hadn't had absolutely nothing to do between the hours of 2 and 6 pm. He's mentioned before that I work much more quickly than the people who held the job before me. Be that as it may, the truth is there just isn't enough work there to constitute a full time job. And when I was hired, I was under the impression that I would be given more responsibilities and so on, which I was at first, but there's been nothing of that nature over the past few months. I've hardly even seen my boss over the past few months. I'm not sure if he's just been really busy, or if I've fallen off his radar.

It's one thing to have boring work, or horrible co-workers, or minor mental problems, or frustrated ambitions, or not enough work, but to have them all in one package...

I just want to write things out all the time. Write so much nonsense until something appears out of it. Write the same damn things over and over and over again and listen to the same rotten miserable records.

I was reading my diary of two or so years ago. Then I was feeling rotten a lot of the time too, but then I was also very good at making plans and lists and goals and ideas and trying to work things out. I developed the Plan for Mental Health and stuck to it. Nowadays I seem to take all the helpful points of the plan and deliberately flaunt them.

Well, no more! From now on I am going to:

1) Get enough sleep
2) Get enough nourishing food to eat (no chips and dip dinners)
3) Not listen to the wrong music

Starting tonight! Tomorrow is a new day, one in which I am going to keep my chin up, think good thoughts, make helpful plans, and ask my boss for a meeting to discuss what I can do to have real work to do.

See you tomorrow!